The CaddyShack #6 - The ABC's
A new written series for 2024, by Pat's Ten Pence.
In July 2023, I began sharing stories I had collected while caddying - the best job in the world.
As we kick off 2024, I intend to share a lot more, having carefully documented every golfer, caddie and local I encountered during an incredible summer season. Every Sunday I will post the next phase of the journey.
Maybe one day, these Sunday Substack entries will morph into a book. Maybe they already have. Depending on the success of these short extracts, you could be reading first editions of a future must-read for caddies everywhere. We must have a dream, after all.
Chapter Six – The ABC’s of Caddying
A quickfire guide – applicable to every course. If you want to caddie, ingrain these ABC’s into your memory.
A – Adapt: each client is different, each weather day presents new challenges. Each golfer has different strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes you’re chatting away, sometimes your guests won’t want to talk much. Adapt accordingly.
B – Ball – a positive ID on your golfer’s golf ball is a must. Finding theirs when all hope is lost is a big plus for a caddie. Know what your guy is playing – know where it went.
C – Conversation – the job isn’t all golf-related. Sometimes the guys just want to shoot the sh*t, and you’ve got to adapt to that. The guests may not even know each other very well, and the caddies can dictate the mood of the group with good conversation.
D – Double-check – sometimes you may not articulate your direction as well as you think – check that it was well-received. Your ‘house on the hill’ may be harder for some clients to pick out than others. Be specific, and check with them that you’re on the same page. Especially on blind shots.
E – Eat – Weight loss is a cert in the caddying gig. If you’re good, you’ll be in high demand, and that means you’re putting in the steps. . 3,500 calories a day just about kept me at my weight of 190 lbs! Take cereal bars, drink shakes, eat whatever you want all summer. The dream.
F – Fitness – in the same vein, you’re going to get fit! With the job, comes fatigue. We usually walk 60 miles in the week. You can expect to be only shoulders, legs and sunburn by the end of the season.
G – Gimme – you’ll see some generous ‘gimmes’ meaning the golf group isn’t too serious when they play. The suggestive move with the flag to the hole is recommended if your guy has just missed his third putt. Friends don’t let friends four putt. If each person is made to tap in their three-footers, you’ve got to be on your game from start to finish.
H – Hygiene – pretty basic one, first impressions last. Don’t show up hungover, or with off-coloured caddie whites. You’re a course ambassador every single day.
I – “I’d hit another” – the kind way of telling your player that his golf ball will never be seen again. Don’t beat around the bush; in my experience, they’d rather you told them straight.
J – Jokes – So the one-liners chapter is yet to come in future weeks, but it’s good to have a few in the back pocket. Choose your audience, it can help shape the mood of the group and keep everyone in good spirits. Teaser - I dropped the ‘OJ’ in my group from New York - he bladed it but got away with it - and became fan favourite.
K – “Kick Left!” – it’s always worth the desperate shout, as your golfer’s ball is slicing away towards the fescue grass, to show that you’re willing the best for them. There are good and bad bounces on links golf courses, it’s hard to convey to your golfer that they must take the rough with the smooth, and that the golf gods always win.
L – ‘Line & Length’ – two keys to a good putt. Be clear when giving instructions on pace, be accurate with direction on the line. Combine both and you watch your golfer bury the putt...or miss their mark entirely.
M – Memories – your golfers will want to capture numerous pictures and remember their Cabot experience. They might never be back. Make sure you help them enjoy their time here.
N – Network – caddying is a unique situation in which you can spend five hours with a potential future employer. They may not want to talk about work, but if they ask you what you want to do later in life and they can help, be sure to follow up with them.
O – Out of Bounds – the dreaded lost ball is a caddie killer, you can almost feel the post-round tip taking a hit, as well as lowering the mood for the group. Its worth reminding your player of where he cannot miss, well in advance when you’re talking through the shot.
P – Pockets. Pockets are the key to a caddie’s success. You’re carrying all kinds, make sure you know where everything is.
Q – Queries – same as double-check: your golfer might be nervous – be clear in your instruction and check they understand you before stepping away.
R – Rules – It is useful to brush up on golf rules, knowing where penalty areas are and where to drop. Your golfer and group will appreciate., especially in high stakes competition.
S – Steps – The metric that keeps the new caddie shoes orders flying in – the miles and miles put in over the course of a day, week, month and season is astronomical. A normal loop is about 6 miles, more if your golfer has a bad day. If you carry two bags at once, it’s probably 7 or 8 miles, and we can go twice a day, five or six (or seven) days a week for the hardcore loopers. 150,000 steps a week is not uncommon. After training on late May, I hit a million by July.
T – Tee Boxes - It’s important to remember you may be caddying for a guy playing the tips one day, front tees the next, and a husband and wife playing green and orange tees (6500 yards vs 5000 yards) simultaneously. Target lines change depending on tee box, get comfortable with all.
U – UV Rays – or in other words, don’t get sunburnt. 8+ hours exposure to the rays leaves some fun tan lines, but burnt ears is not a good look.
V – Vipers. The OG green-reading sun-glasses. Tough letter this. I wore Oakleys all summer, in future weeks you’ll be able to check the gallery for pics.
W – Wind. Some of your golfers may never have experienced a stiff links breeze. If they are ‘fair-weather golfers’ – you may have some coaching to do. The rule of thumb when factoring in the wind is 5mph = +10 yards, but the wind is an unreliable variable. You have the rangefinder for the yardage, but adapting properly to conditions separates good caddies from great ones.
X – marks the spot. Pick small, precise targets, especially on the greens. Aim small, miss small…
Y – Yardage Book – I immersed myself in the yardage book at the start – cross-referencing with the rangefinder; learning how far it is from certain tee boxes to trouble. It saves you time and gives you confidence out on the course.
Z – Zone – if your golfer is on a heater, match their energy, get dialled in, and carry them through for a career-best round. It’s a cool feeling.
At the end of each entry – I’ll share three memorable statistics in a random summer week – taken from my notes gathered while caddying.
Week Ending 29th September 2023
- Shots taken: 2 - I occasionally had to demonstrate to the guests that a shot was possible. Not for the faint hearted - if you slip up they’ve got every right not to listen to you again. Expert bunker shot on 16 Cliffs and a long putt on the Links demo’d.
- Countries the guests hailed from: 4 - Canada, USA, Scotland, Australia.
- Helicopters seen: 3
Stay tuned, see you next Sunday.
Patrick Brennan
11th February 2024
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