The CaddyShack #4 - Picture the scene
A new written series for 2024, by Pat's Ten Pence.
In July 2023, I began sharing stories I had collected while caddying - the best job in the world.
As we kick off 2024, I intend to share a lot more, having carefully documented every golfer, caddie and local I encountered during an incredible summer season. Every Sunday I will post the next phase of the journey.
Maybe one day, these Sunday Substack entries will morph into a book. Maybe they already have. Depending on the success of these short extracts, you could be reading first editions of a future must-read for caddies everywhere. We must have a dream, after all.
I think golf allows you to see a person at their best and their worst.
They almost grow taller and stand prouder after a flushed iron, they shrink back and become angry after a fat chip shot, or irritable or nervous following a missed short putt. Such is the game.
The courses on which we caddied are walking only, so there is more time to speak to the group and share stories, and higher demand for our services. One of the best skills you can acquire is reading the group, and figuring out what sort of experience the guest is seeking. If you are competent at reading the greens and your guest, you can click immediately.
The group could be scratch golfers who met in college, playing the back tees and trying to break 70. It may be a social group who just want to make a few putts and have a few beers. Most guys range from a 12-18 handicap, and are capable of scoring well, if only for a few holes in a row. Some groups will love the one-liners (to be made public in later weeks).
*side note* Pat's Ten Pence is now read by 98 subscribers, garnering over a thousand views across 13 US states and 7 countries. That’s pretty cool, keep telling your friends.
Bearing all this in mind, some guests have become an integral part of my caddie experience, etched into the memories. Please enjoy this anecdotal collection of the guests that made it into my own mental quote bank.
- ‘You never forget your first’
I was nervous for my first loop, I’d done the required shadowing and training, I’d played the Links course twice and walked the back nine the night before, I’d studied the yardage book and cleaned my white coveralls so they’d blind you in the sun – but I was nervous.
On a windy Thursday morning in May, an elderly man called Gordon stepped forth, and we shook hands. I guided him to a smooth treble bogey up the first and we were both pretty rattled, but we found our feet eventually and even made a couple pars on the back nine.
I was amazed by how fast I picked up his miss and his yardages, good signs for a future in caddying. A highlight was the other caddies asking where I’d caddied previously, because I pointed out flags that were visible from where we were, but harder to see when you get on that hole. It shows you care, and have been trained well.
- ‘I forgot to visualise it!’
The above quote was a guy from Chicago. Let’s call him Eric. He wasn’t playing well but was also getting pretty bad bounces all day. We figured out a way to work on his pace on the greens, using specific start lines and talking a bit more about the speed throughout the putt. An example is ‘start it on that mark’ or ‘roll the ball over this spot’ and trying to use experience on previous holes to measure the required speed. For example; ‘this plays like the putt you had on the eighth’.
It was working okay, then Eric kind of ran off on a tangent and began visualising the slope of the putts. Like with the previews on Tiger Woods PGA Tour games (one for the sickos). It was pretty methodical, I think I saw his eyes close a few times.
Picture the scene:
We had a momentum-maintaining five-footer up the hill on 15, that moved maybe an inch right to left.
I said, “it’s inside the hole, we can die this in from the right edge, or right centre with pace”.
This means his options are to allow the ball to break from right to left, or just hit it firm enough so it doesn’t really move.
From five feet, it’s mainly mechanical.
Eric yanked it a foot left, you know the kind where he is immediately moving after the ball to gather it with his putter, then sighed in exasperation. My solemn face of commiseration met his gaze, reaching slowly for the putter to put back in his bag - before his eyes lit up.
“I forgot to visualize it!”
Sure! That’s why it missed! Not the horrible stroke!
Content that we had located the root cause of the issue, we marched along to the 16th tee – to do it all over again on the next green.
- The Blame Game
I was dialled in August, working almost every day, carrying two bags for two loops most days. I’d be bang-on with 95% of reads, and the other 5% wouldn’t be far away. I’d always get the slope right, it was just how much, and whether this was communicated effectively to the client. Repeat caddie requests were flying in. Basically, I now knew Cabot Links & Cliffs better than I knew my beloved Seascale Golf Club back in the UK.
I had been caddying for a lady from New Jersey and her husband, and both were playing well. On the last hole, we had 100 yards to the flag with room in front and trouble long, so I suggested we play it 90 to avoid any issues.
After a rushed swing, I heard the unmistakable sound of a bottom groove Wilson Staff 9 iron, and we all watched the ball skip through the green.
‘Hard luck’ is my go-to response when someone royally f*cks it up, despite the fact it has nothing to do with luck at all.
She tossed the 9 iron back to me and replied “caddie error”.
The cheek of it! I resisted the urge to explain that when you hit the ball in the forehead it is unlikely to stop. Happy place, happy place….
All we want as caddies is to assist the player as much as possible and help them hit more memorable shots than forgettable ones. The reason I call this extract ‘getting the read’ is a good caddie knows how to entertain his player, or group, as well as knowing the greens. Sometimes, there may be nerves, or tension in the first few holes. Having an upbeat tempo and some good stories to tell can help everybody loosen up. Combine this with being useful on the greens, and you’ll provide a memorable experience.
At the end of each entry – I’ll share three memorable statistics in a random summer week – taken from my notes gathered while caddying.
Week Ending 9th July 2023
- Cigars held: 4
- Balls lost: 5 (three in water hazards, gone forever).
- Holes played: 27 - got a few swings in there! I turned 24 this week, same day Canada turned 156. Few beers were had, as well.
Stay tuned, see you next Sunday.
Patrick Brennan
28th January 2024
Pat's Ten Pence is now read by 98 subscribers, garnering over a thousand views across 13 US states and 7 countries. That’s pretty cool, keep telling your friends.