The CaddyShack #10 - One Liners
A new written series for 2024, by Pat's Ten Pence.
Making the Turn
We’re starting the back nine as we mean to go on.
Entry 10 follows the resounding success of the front nine entries to this CaddyShack series (7th January to 3rd March), in which we successfully generated the following numbers:
2,850 views in two months
125 email subscribers
Readers from 16 different US States; including Idaho, Wisconsin, Florida and both Carolinas…
…and 11 countries - including UK, Canada, Norway, Spain, New Zealand and Australia.
We’re still working on plans for producing this in a book format, as well as generating more interest in golf, storytelling, or the intricate nature of a caddie-player relationship. I thank all readers for their support so far, and hope you continue to enjoy the next few entries that round out the back nine.
One Liners
An essential part of the job is to entertain. For some it comes naturally, between snippets of advice and decent reads, you get a window to tell a quick story. The locals had the golfers lapping up their knowledge of the town, the area, what the animals do, the harsh winters and bright summers; especially the caddies who had been there since the start.
I’ve heard some belter stories and one-liners in my estimated 500 hours spent caddying on the course this summer. Most of these are self-explanatory, some a little more intricate and niche. The timing on some just make them worth including.
“Not sure bump and run was the play there” - perfectly timed from one of the old school caddies, shoutout Lorne. Guy from New Jersey having a rough time of it, topped a full blown driver swing into the reeds. He saw red, but laughed eventually.
“Well out” - if someone takes a huge chunk of the mighty links turf before they strike the ball - it’s often funny to pretend it was a difficult shot.
“Looked good in the air” - a great one to throw out when the putt bobbles or hits an impediment, and you want to distract your golfer from their misfortune.
‘Let’s hit another just in case’ - we saved this one for the balls that were destined to never be seen again, either in watery graves or in the middle of reeds or trees.
‘Landed like a butterfly with sore feet’ shoutout Stan for this one, praising a particularly nice wedge shot - delivered even better with a Canadian twang.
‘A touch right of that’ - this one needs some explaining. Some high flying finance guys all came down to face Cabot Cliffs in the wind, and one of them stood up on 18 with the tide lashing into the cliffs to his right, daring the dreaded lefty pull-hook into the waves. Instead, he went for the ‘anti-right’ swing and blocked it so far high and left I’m sure it ended up coming back towards us. As it descended to the foliage, no one knew what to say - it had been a tough 18 holes in the wind. He already had his next one on the tee because it was lost as soon as he hit it. Just before he coiled up for part two, I quickly got in an expert caddie line - ‘A touch right of that’.
He had to back off for laughing.
After the Watershed
A little more on the nose, careful how you deploy:
· The OJ Simpson - bladed it but got away with it. This one circulated the American groups no end. Choose your crowd.
· Son-in-law - used when the shot wasn’t what you wanted but it’s alright.
· The AOC – short and left – one for the Americans.
· Hit more lips than a drunk dentist - allegedly a John Daly line from back in the day, well utilised on the course when the ball just won’t drop.
· “Feels like prom night” *confused look* …”all lip and no hole”.
Most guys are pretty laid-back, happy to escape the corporate environment and speak freely. This leads to some great back-and-forth between players, and I believe caddies are responsible for lightening the mood as well. There are more advanced versions of these one liners readily available in future weeks.
At the end of each entry – I’ll share three memorable statistics in a random summer week – taken from my notes gathered while caddying.
Week Ending 9th July 2023
- Loops: 7 - all at the Cliffs course, meaning more elevation, a few more steps.
- Cigars held: 4 - 4th July week meant celebrations. Tried not to drop any between shots but its a niche task with 2 bags on the shoulders.
- Special mention: Chris Stapleton concert in Maine this week, I turned 24 and we drove 9 hours to see the man himself, Best gig I’ve ever been to.
Welcome back! And stay tuned, see you next Sunday.
Patrick Brennan
17th March 2024
Pat's Ten Pence is now read consistently by 125 subscribers, garnering over 2,800 views this year to date - across 16 US states and 11 countries. That’s pretty cool, keep telling your friends.